Not sure what I'm feeling???

So lately I've been trying to deal with this whole being away from my friends and family. I feel like I have lost everyone... and I know my friends say I'm still here. But they only call when they are drunk and it seems like I have been forgotten about. I know this isn't true and the phone calls go both ways but I don't know their schedules.

I just really miss my life! I love my husband and I am glad I am finally here with him. But I miss the way things used to be. I have no friends here and no one to lean on other than my husband. Which I feel like that should be enough for me but it's not.

I know what I need to do is to just go out and make friends. It's just not that easy. It took me a long time to get the friends I have and now it feels like they are slipping away. I'm just confused I guess and knowing me I'm overreacting.

Oh well I guess it will work itself out at some point.

Blah...

That feeling of depression resides inside.
I try so hard to pretend it's not there,
but at the end of the night I sit alone
and wonder why me? Why do I have
to feel this way?

I just want to be happy again....

Get me out of this hell!!!!!

I can't take it anymore. I'm 21 years old and apparently I still can't make my own decisions at least thats how my parents treat me. I need to not live here anymore but I can't afford to move out. I want to get out. I'm sick of not being happy, I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of living my life in a constant state of depression and hiding from everyone. I can't tell anyone how I feel because all they tell me is it will get better. I can't tell Nick because then he will be worried about me and thats the last thing I need. I JUST WANT OUT!!!!!! And no none of this means I'm going to hurt myself, I just don't know how to fix it. I want it to be thanksgiving so I can be in New Jersey and not here with my family.

Emotional Rollercoaster

So life is crazy. I don't know how to deal with all the pain that comes with being in a long distance relationship. I love him and I'm not going to leave him. But I can't afford to move closer to him and he can't find a job here that is in his field. I get so frustrated because there is nothing I can do and I know I take it out on him and I shouldn't. The stupidest things make me angry and I can't figure out how to control. So tell me this... What do you do when you are trapped in the life you have and you hate it? I want to be with him and because of certain factors.. aka money and religion... we can't live together until we are married because of religion and we can't afford to get married let alone get engaged. I want it... I want the promise of forever that first step. It sucks knowing I can't have it for a while. I love my friends and I love my boyfriend... he is the love of my life. BUT something needs to change... I don't know what or when or how but it needs to. I'm sick of being angry and depressed. So if anyone can help let me know!!

I love you all. My friends are amazing and thank you for listening to all of my crap and putting up with me. I know I'm not always pleasant but you guys always stick by me.

You

I'm trying to forget what you said
but it keeps playing in my head,
I know you love me but there is
that something about what you said
to me that just hurts, I want to let
it go, but I just can't.

You say that I give up all the time,
well yeah maybe I do on somethings,
but I haven't given up on you.
You are my world, my life,
my best friend when I need one.
Sometimes though I don't think you
know that some of the things you say
really hurt. I need you to know that
I will not now, nor will I ever
give up on us. I love us.


So if you ever read this know that I love you and I always will.

You are the love of my life. Without you I would be nothing!